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I write about inner self explorations, addictive states and the ceaseless search for personal truth

It just keeps getting better

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1.

The first day letting go of the cigarette is always the worst.

The resolutions from the previous night already seem a blur. By midday, I was craving the filthy release of the death stick. The rising of the craving was to be expected, but I was armed with deep seated knowledge this time.

I’d experienced the relapse and cleansing cycle enough to know that, within a few days, I’d be enjoying a whole new lease on life. I’d be celebrating heightened levels of energy! Better sleep! Clearer skin, and no smell on my clothes! …


Reflecting on a year of solitude

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What I remember from before the pandemic is an increasing sense of listlessness.

In early March 2020, I had returned from a short trip to London, where I had lived for a decade, before moving back to , north-eastern France, in 2016.

Releasing the loop of the past

Strasbourg is a sleepy town, adored by tourists for its quaint architecture.

The shift from global metropolis to a village so tremendously inland, and isolated, was absorbed rather than actually experienced.

I had grown up in Strasbourg. Returning here came with its fair share of familiarity and unease. I convinced myself that the move was a parenthesis…


The journey from isolation towards self actualisation

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I.

There were times I’d disappear because I wanted people to miss me.

I longed for them to notice my absence and to reach out. Are you okay? Let me know if you need anything. These words, pacifiers we often dismiss as a result of habitual, learned independence, still felt good. I received them as distant signs confirming the reassuringly ordinary missing of me from those who spoke them.

I wondered if people were asking about me, thus proving to my questioning mind that there was indeed something I was bringing to the table—and…


What you consume influences what you create.

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Earlier this year, during lockdown number one, I was pondering—as one does—on the nature of creativity.

More specifically, I was honing in on the following questions :

  • Why do we create?
  • What does the act of creation bring us?
  • Why are some compelled to create while others are happy to spectate?
  • And even in the act of consuming art, what are we seeking, truly?

Beyond catharsis and self identification, which are pretty much universal outcomes, I started to wonder what specifically we may hope to attain when we consume art—or indeed, when we create.

Is it a particular sensation or…


When rather than feeling unworthy, you feel acutely unseen

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You’re familiar with the feeling of being an imposter

This usually comes about when you’re invested in work that is close to your heart. It is characterised by a torrent of doubt and fear that invades your being just as you are about to start transmitting your truth, or reaching for your highest desires.

Yet, in essence, being an imposter means that you’re .

So, in this particular context, it’s useful to ask yourself :

  • Am I being out of integrity here?
    Have I strayed from my values and from my truth?
  • Or, is…


Learn to complete your work rather than wait for it to be perfect.

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The notion of catharsis comes from Aristotle’s Poetics and signifies a . It was used to describe the emotion that audiences felt when witnessing a stage performance. Through the act of play, the audience was able to transpose their own experience onto the characters and, in the unraveling of the story, they could attain a sense of moral peace.

We experience catharsis as readers and as spectators of films, TV shows, and even video games.

These are an escape but also a very particular delving inward, almost like a dream world. It’s no surprise that the above-mentioned activities are deemed


Strengthening the self for sensitive souls.

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We find ourselves at a time when the universal reflects the personal perhaps like no other time before.

A world is being rebuilt, systems are actively being dismantled — all of this as a result of a highly echoed NO MORE from those of us seeking a new world.

A world built on equality, kindness, compassion and REAL justice.

This is a time when we are called to ask ourselves : what is it that we’ll tolerate from the information that is being shown to us?

Never before has it been so easy to contest the education that is attempting…


— Not a trick question

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In light of my regarding getting your first tattoo, I wanted to add a little addendum, inspired by these from tattooed sisters across the Medium multiverse.

We need to speak about women with tattoos

The art of tattooing . Only in the past fifty years or so has it entered the temple of mainstream culture present in the western world — inevitably a watered down, sugarcoated version of a niche culture appropriated by the mass media, which contains within it the desire to evolve and expand nonetheless.

As a result, tattooing…


Valuable Advice from an Oft Tattooed Person

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“I’d love to get a tattoo but I’m too scared”

This is one of the most frequent phrases I hear when people meet me for the first time.

I don’t consider myself excessively tattooed as there is so much more real estate yet to be occupied on my body, but I do have both arms, thighs, calves, shins, and my neck and chest tattooed. More than the usual, I concur.

So people get curious : Should I get a tattoo? If so, what? Does it hurt? …

In light of the extensive interrogations that some of you may have about…


Work your mind as you work your body

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I was prepping my equipment to record a little riff on the whole notion of presence yesterday when a huge pain hit me in my right thigh.

The excruciating pain of a muscle cramp. Perhaps even a tearing.

Pain is Presence

I was forced to lie down as I absorbed the magnitude of an all encompassing, strident pain.

Sprawled out on my bed and wailing uncontrollably, I proceeded to doing I’d learnt to perform when dealing with minor panic attacks.

In the midst of it all, I actually started laughing.

Perhaps…

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